Feel Something
by anyportinastorm
Summary: They'd been fighting a war since they were first-years. So long they barely know what life is without it. But maybe Ron and Hermione have a start at figuring it out. (Takes place right after Final Battle. Also, my first fanfic but I swear it's not bad.)
1. Chapter 1

The dust of the war had settled hours ago, but Hermione was still heaving. She wasn't quite sure why. She had tried drinking water and clearing her throat. The house elves had even offered her tea. But she had turned it down. They had other things to worry about right now. Just the thought of them tending to the bodies and the wounds in Great Hall...It brought on another fit.

"I'm going to take a walk," she managed to choke out. She didn't really know if Harry had heard her. He was pretty out of it which you would expect from a boy who had just killed the man who had wanted him dead since birth.

Without waiting for him to come to his senses, she turned on her heel and made her way away from the common room, away from the Great Hall, away from the people. She physically couldn't listen to one more person tell her how heroic she was. She felt anything but heroic today. She felt like a little girl again, the one who carried her best friend to the Hospital Wing from a giant chessboard in…

Her thoughts strayed to Ron as the fresh air finally hit her skin. It was only days ago he had sobbed at her bedside in Shell Cottage. Of course, once she's opened her eyes, he had wiped them away. Typical Ron, she smiled lightly and shook her head.

She stopped herself as her face turned a crimson shade. She'd kissed him. In the Chamber of Secrets tonight. She'd kissed him. She felt her veins flooded with embarrassment. Did she really have to be that desperate? Any more subtle would've been great, but, of course, she threw herself at him in the middle of the battle. She'd thought they were going to die. She really had. But now they hadn't...she couldn't even bare to live with the consequences that would no doubt ensue.

She smiled as her ankles were brushed with grass as she reached the hills. Without any real sense of purpose, she wandered towards the Lake. At least she'd have a giant squid to keep her company. Better than people at this point.

As soon as her feet hit the sand, she let herself fall to the ground, head in hands. She couldn't cry really. All she could do was cough. She'd be vomiting if she'd had enough food to do so in the last few months. Her stomach agreed. But, not wanting to walk back into the castle, she ignored it. Her hair bunched around her neck as her coughing calmed and her breathing sped up, her mind racing. Tired. Hungry. Useless now. She was useless now. The war was over. She'd been fighting it since she was eleven. She didn't quite remember how to live otherwise.

A hand touched her shoulder. She shot to her feet, but the sand sent her stumbling towards the water. She reached for her wand but fell once more, making a splash as her legs collapsed into the shallow water. Whipping her head around, she aimed her wand at...Ron.

"Goddamn it, Ron, you scared me to death!" She shrieked, wading out of the water and brushing sand off of her pants.

"Sorry," he muttered, sheepish but with the ghost of laughter on his lips.

"You think this is funny, don't you?" she meant to yell, but the venom was gone from her voice.

Ron didn't answer. He only gave a small smile and moved towards the grass slightly uphill, sitting down and patting the spot next to him. She reached down to take off her sopping wet shoes to cover up the fact that her face was red. She'd thought she would have more time to prepare for this talk. Not now. Not right when she was already on the verge of screaming. She wasn't ready for him to sit her down and tell her this was all a mistake. It was all a mistake, she told herself.

Slowly, she forced herself to stand up and walk toward him. Sitting down next to him, she began to wring out the water in her pantlegs before she felt an arm around her waist. She turned to look at his face as he pulled her to him. It was only then when she realized he was crying.


	2. Chapter 2

Ron hadn't wanted to cry in front of her. He really hadn't. He liked to believe he wasn't the type of person to make other people feel sorry for him. But when he'd come up behind her, she was so...afraid. He didn't think he would see her so afraid now. They'd all been scared before. This was war. They'd all almost died. More than once. But the war was over. And somehow it seemed like nothing was going to change because in their heads they would always be running from something. It felt like he would always have something to prove.

Meeting her out here hadn't been his plan. He'd merely been tired of staring at his brother's dead body and thinking about all the ways he could've saved him. The rest of his family looked like they just wanted to lie down right there beside him. The light in their eyes was gone. So was his. He'd known some would perish in this battle. But somehow he hoped it would be himself instead of someone like Fred who deserved more in his life. Or Remus. Tonks. They had a child. God knows, Harry would find a way to make sure Teddy knew about his parents' bravery but...it seemed like their lives had been cut too short.

His wandering mind was brought down to Earth when he looked at Hermione. Her shivering form stilled as her hand moved up and down his back, fingertips grazing his spine. She almost gave him chills. His other hand moved to rest on her knee as he tried to stop the tears from falling. There had been too many. He didn't want to think about it now.

"'Mione?" He tried to keep his voice from shaking, but he was sure she would notice. She always did.

"Yeah?"

"Remember in fourth year when Mcgonagall asked us to go into the lake for the second task of the Triwizard Tournament?"

"Yeah, I remember." She chuckled lightly at the thought. It felt good to think of something like that. Something they'd done that wasn't...she couldn't really think of a word to describe it.

"Remember how freaked out Cho was that we were going to drown? And Mcgonagall kept having to reassure her that we'd be fine, and then she almost had a panic attack in the middle of the Transfiguration room?" He was laughing lightly now. It was so funny. Mcgonagall looked like she-

"Mcgonagall looked like she wanted to just turn into an owl and never see us again." Hermione laughed at the thought, not knowing that Ron had just been thinking the same thing.

Slowly, their laughter died down. The mood was lighter. Hermione's pants were still wet from falling in the Lake. As was Ron's shirt from his tears. But it was warmer between them now as if their moment of happiness had made everything a little bit brighter.

Suddenly, Hermione's throat began to tingle, and, before she knew it, she was coughing again. Each time let off a soft echo against the castle walls in the distance. She bent over, Ron's hands falling away from her as her chest heaved and she struggled to breathe. Ron's eyebrows raised as he watched her, not knowing what to do.

After about ninety seconds, it stopped. Hermione's breath was unsteady. Her throat ached, screaming for a relief that she didn't know how to give. "I'm sorry." She croaked, her vocal chords scratchy.

"No, no, don't apologize. Are you okay?" His voice carried a genuine tone of worry that Hermione almost smiled at. It was hard to recognize him as the boy from first year who told her she was a know-it-all. But that boy was in there and somehow he was almost...endearing.

"I'm fine." She said, but her throat seemed to think otherwise as it sputtered into another round of coughing. It was shorter this time, only about fifteen seconds, but it hurt nonetheless. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes, seeing he was smiling?

"It's almost like I gave you mono-" he stopped himself. Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to bring it up? He felt his ears get warm and no doubt take on a red tint. Damn it, damn it, damn it-

"You don't get mono from someone who doesn't have mono, Ron. And I don't believe at any point while we were saving the Wizarding World that you had mono. Correct me if I'm wrong." She spoke quickly as she tried to hide the shade of red she was turning. Why did he have to bring that up? Now they were thinking about it. Now they'd have to have the conversation. Now she was going to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the Hogwarts grounds in front of the last person she ever wanted to have a mental breakdown in front of.

"You never know," he'd meant it as a joke but his voice was shaking just the same. He couldn't tell her. He just couldn't. He had everything to lose. It was too soon. She'd just kissed him in the Chamber a few hours ago. She'd probably already realized it was a mistake. She had to. Of course she did. Brightest Witch of Her Age, of course she realized kissing Harry Potter's second in command was a bloody mistake.

Seconds passed. Minutes. It felt like hours, but she knew it couldn't be. The sun had barely moved. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she became aware of the hand he had placed on her arm. When had he put it there? Why? She stood quickly. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't. Not today. Not ever.

"I have to go."

"Where? No one's expecting you back there, Hermione." He realized how that must've sounded and quickly added. "You've done enough already. They wouldn't accept it even if you offered to help. Seven years of fighting is enough."

"I know, but I really should just get back-"

"Please," He looked down, "I...I, uh, need to talk to you."

Hermione felt her blood run cold.


	3. Chapter 3

He wasn't quite sure why he had told her they needed to talk because he had no bloody idea what he was going to say to her. 'Oh hey, Hermione, just letting you know I'm head over heels for you, and I want to kiss you eight hundred more times in the next twenty four hours to make up for lost time." No. That did not sound like a good thing to say. He mentally kicked himself.

"A-about what?" Hermione's voice shook. She had known this was coming. But she thought that maybe she could've avoided it. There must be a way to get out of this situation. She felt herself choke up, tears threatening to come. She wouldn't let them. This couldn't be happening.

He noticed the fear in her eyes. She was running from this conversation as much as he was. And if he knew Hermione, he knew that once this moment was over, he'd never have another chance to talk to her like this. She'd avoid him. She wouldn't talk to him until they left, and then he'd never see her again. That couldn't happen. He wouldn't allow it. She had to know.

"Could you just sit back down please?" It came out as a whisper, and Hermione couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She'd roped him into this. This was her fault.

"No, Ronald, I cannot sit back down. What do you want?" She tried to put some iciness behind her voice, but it barely worked. She crossed her arms, trying to add to the effect.

"So we're standing then," he sighed as he rose to his feet. How was he supposed to start this off? He had to have more time.

"No, _we_ are not standing. I am standing because I am going back inside." She turned on her heel, trying to get inside. Once she was in, this was over. It would be fine.

"Hermione! Please!"

She didn't want to stop, but she did. She whirled around, her hair whipping behind her.

"I know what this is about, okay?" She raised her voice, the desperation clear.

"You...you do?" He stuttered.

"Look, I'm sorry I kissed you in the Chamber of Secrets last night. I'm sorry you felt like you were obligated to let me. I'm sorry. I was desperate. I was scared. I know you don't feel anything for me, I'm fucking sorry okay!" She was screaming now.

"Mione-"

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I was afraid. I thought we were going to die last night, Ronald! And the last thing I wanted to do before I died was….was…" Her voice died a little bit. She noticed Ron opening his mouth to get a word in, but she wasn't finished. "The last thing I wanted to do before I died was show you that I loved you, okay? Fine! You got it out of me! I love you! Congratulations! Now you can go laugh about it with Lavender or whoever the girl is who's fawning over you. You're a fucking war hero for crying out loud. They're bound to be lining up around the block for you." She slowed for a moment, another fit of coughing threatening to come. But she wasn't ready just yet. "I didn't want to tell you, Ron Weasley. But you just seem to have a way of getting things like this out of me. I'm sorry you had to hear it. I'll see you back at the-" The coughing came. It felt like her lungs were being squeezed. Her chest ached as she leaned over to heave. Over and over and over she coughed until her throat was sandpaper, and she was out of breath.

Ron reached out to grab her arm and turn her around, but, in that same moment, she began to walk toward the castle. The effect was instantaneous.

"Ron...the...scar…" she was out of breath, but he could immediately tell his mistake. Her scar. From Bellatrix. He mentally kicked himself.

"Damn, 'Mione, I'm sorry." He stepped back, looking at her expectantly. Like she was going to run away again.

"Language, Ronald." She wheezed.

"From the girl who just said fuck like four times in the past minute." He smiled, kind of forcing it, but she smiled back. Just a little bit. It was enough.

It was silent for a moment. Hermione was the first to speak. "I was correct in that that was what you wanted to talk about, right?"

"Not quite."

Now it was Hermione's turn to kick herself. Of course, she would spill everything to him when she didn't have to. She was stupid, that's what she was. Stupid. So goddamn-

"Can I talk this time?" Hermione didn't have the energy in her to say anything more, so she just nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

He could hear his heart pounding in his ears so loudly that it felt like a drum. She could probably hear it. Or see it in the deep shade of red they had turned. He reached out to take her hand, to try to convince himself that she was real, but she moved her hand away. He could see the tears welling in her eyes. Were they from the coughing or the confession she had just made? Maybe a little of both. Speaking of the confession...why was he so goddamn nervous? She'd just said that she loved him. Right here. Hermione. Jean. Granger. Loved. Him. He couldn't help but smile a little as he opened his mouth to speak, still not quite knowing how he was going to begin.

"Listen, 'Mione-"

"Ron, no, I know I'm not your type. I'm a goddamn Mudblood. You see it. I've got a million scars all over me. I've got nightmares even when I don't want them. I've got parts of me that I fucking hate, Ronald. There's no way that you love me back, so there is no reason we need to have this conversation" She obviously seemed to have regained her voice but not her stature because tears began to fall. One by one down her cheeks. "It's fine, you don't have to spell it out for-"

"Hermione, shut up!"

His voice was about fifteen times her volume. He hadn't expected himself to be that loud, but, by the look on her face, he seemed to have stunned her into silence. He took a deep breath and stared her dead in the eyes as he spoke.

"Listen, 'Mione, I know you believe you are unlovable. I know you believe you are broken. I know that your mind feels like it's made for running from everything. And I don't blame you because so is mine. We were in a war, 'Mione, since we were eleven. When was the last time you gave yourself some credit for how strong you were through all of that?"

"Ron, I was not-"

"No, you need to listen to me because you are the strongest person I have ever met. You wear a derogatory term on your arm as you fire spells at some of the deadliest wizards on the planet. You stab a horcrux after waking up screaming because that Bellatrix bitch tortured you for so long that I thought I was going to die from hearing you scream, 'Mione." He was on a roll now. The memories were fresh in his mind. They lit a fire under him. "I have never felt more admiration of a single person in my life than I did when I say you open your eyes at Shell Cottage. And I have seen magnificent things. But you went through so much that most grown, fully-trained wizards could not. You're eighteen years old! And you're the most brilliant witch on this planet!"

He gulped. Here goes nothing. "And you're also the most beautiful. Y'know you look bloody brilliant in the firelight while you're reading some boring old book. And your hair, and your voice, and your eyes, and your smile, and your laugh, and," He paused, "And even your scars, 'Mione. They're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. And you're anything but a stupid Mudblood no matter what anyone says."

Hermione couldn't even fathom what she was hearing. It was like a knife to the heart, every word. He didn't love her. He hadn't said that. Just that she was strong and...beautiful. Beautiful in the eyes of Ron Weasley. God, she'd dreamt of that.

He continued, his voice softer now. "And I know that you think kissing me was stupid. I don't know why you did it because god knows I don't bloody deserve it. But kissing you was the...the best thing that's ever happened to me." He looked down. "Hermione, I don't want Lavender. Or any other girl who likes me cause they think I'm a hero or something. I just…" His voice quieted to a whisper. "I only love you, 'Mione. It's always been you."

Hermione's steps were quiet on the grass as she made her way to him, tears streaming down her face as she buried her head in his chest. "I love you, Ron Weasley." Her voice was quiet and breathless like she could float away any second. But for once she didn't want to float away. She merely wanted to dwell in this moment. Wrapped in him. Finally...feeling something beautiful.

"I love you, Hermione Granger." He said it again. He would continue to say it again and again until she knew it from the bottom of her heart.

She listened to his heartbeat through his shirt as she felt the cold wind on the back of her neck. She wanted to stay here forever. And so she said just that.

"I could stay this close to you forever, Ronald, I swear."

He smiled softly, "You deserve someone much better than me for forever, 'Mione."

And that was when she kissed him.


	5. Chapter 5

Kissing Hermione Granger was something impossible to describe. So Ron decided not to. Instead, he focused on how close he was to her. How he could feel her chest rising and falling as she kissed him. How he could feel her hands against his chest and how that made him love this just a little bit more. Kissing her made him love her just a little bit more. Because it wasn't a fantasy any longer. Kissing Hermione in real life didn't even compare to what he'd thought it would.

It had been merely hours since the Chamber of Secrets, but it felt like she was kissing Ron for the first time. She was aware of his lips on hers. The lack of surprise this time. And the feeling that maybe, just maybe, he wanted her back as much as she wanted him. God, she wanted him. She wanted mornings staring at his bright red hair against the bedsheets. She wanted to kiss him when he beat her at chess. Kiss him for no apparent reason at all. Wake him up from his nightmares and let him wake her up from hers. Let her scar fade from her mind because with him around she would always have something else to stare at…

"Ron," she broke the kiss. A thought had just occurred to her.

"Yes, Hermione."

"Now that the war is over…" she didn't quite know how to finish her sentence. She didn't quite know where to go from this point of hesitation.

Ron knew exactly where to go. "Now that the war is over, I want to love you and let everyone else see it."

Hermione looked down, her face crimson. "Ron, be my boyfriend."

Ron was surprised his ears didn't turn as red as her face was, but then it hit him. He wasn't nervous. He wasn't embarrassed. He was in love, and, goddamn it, at this point he didn't care who saw. Hermione deserved happiness. And he would wake up every morning for the some purpose of giving it to her. He knew that now. He was not afraid.

"Anything."

Hermione's legs grew weak as she took his hand, kissed his cheek, and led him towards the palace. She wanted the whole world to see the boy she loved. She wanted to whole world to see how beautiful he made her feel. She wanted the whole world to see them. Together. Feeling in love. Which is indeed the most beautiful thing.


End file.
